Almost Confessions and Everything In Between
by 2three.abi
Summary: She knew they weren't meant to be and she understood that. She just hoped she had the chance to actually tell him she loved him until now. AU. NxM


**Title:** Almost Confessions and Everything In Between

**Summary: **She knew they weren't meant to be and she understood that. She just hoped she had the chance to actually tell him she loved him until now. AU. NxM

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice.

**Warnings:** grammar errors and typos, OOC-ness

**A/N:** It's been a long time since I've posted a one-shot for GA so here it is. And well, happy FFN birthday to me (on the eighteenth actually orz)! It has been four years since I joined fanfiction and well yeah. I hope you enjoy reading this one lolol. Based on a true story orz

* * *

"_**Why is it that regrets always come too late?"**_

* * *

She would always look at his direction secretly and would always find him laughing or having fun with some of their classmates.

She would always look at him with hopeful glances secretly, cheeks blushing and blazing red as the dimple on his cheek showed every time he smiled.

She would always look at his face contorted in concentration as he studied his lessons and she would feel her heart beating impossibly fast inside her chest and she wouldn't be able to breathe properly.

She would look at him secretly and she would wish he would look at her, too.

* * *

She blinked her eyes with confusion and frowned as she looked at his towering figure.

Both of his hands were on the side of her face, pinching her cheeks hard as he whispered, "You're so cute," only for her to hear.

She inaudibly gulped as he retracted his hands and smiled at her, the dimple on his left cheek deepening.

He then walked away and she just continued staring at him, her body systems going haywire inside her.

A smile was forming on her face as she watched him walking away. But then, he paused and turned to their other classmate and did the exact thing on the shocked female.

She felt her heart sink and her mood go blue for the rest of the day.

* * *

They were assigned to seat next to each other again.

She saw him grinning at her while saying, "Seems like we're going to be seatmates again, ugly."

She pouted at him, and motioned to punch his upper arm with her closed fist.

"Aw! That hurt, ugly!"

She was annoyed. She punched him a little harder. "Shut up! You're ugly, too, ugly!"

Their bickering continued, until their homeroom teacher asked them to settle down.

"Now, now," the teacher said, "we know that in a few months, you'll all be graduating. I know it's sad, but that's life. You have to move on and keep moving forward. But that doesn't mean forgetting the people from your past, right? That's why I have an activity for all of you today."

They all groaned.

"This activity is not that hard, people! So yeah, all you have to do is close your eyes. Come on, close your eyes, people! Okay. Now, I want you to hold your seatmate's hand. And I want you to remember the feel of each other's hand and never forget it. It will serve as a reminder that someone will always be there for you even if time passes by..."

Her eyes were tightly closed and she silently prayed for her hands not to get too sweaty.

She almost gasped when she felt him take his smaller hand into his larger one, gripping it tightly. She didn't quite understand what their teacher was saying because she was solely focused on the feel of his hand against hers.

Her breath hitched when he felt his fingers intertwining against her own.

_Oh my God_―

He heart beat even faster inside her chest when she felt him giving her hand a little squeeze.

And at last, the activity ended and the homeroom teacher asked for them to let go of each other's hands. (She didn't know what the activity was for because she didn't understand even a single word the teacher had told them.)

The strange thing was, he just stared at her and grinned. He didn't let go of her hand.

Well, not until their teacher for the second subject that day arrived and announced that there would be a surprised quiz for them.

* * *

She never told anyone about her feeling for him, not even her close friends. They would just make fun of her. They simply wouldn't understand her feelings for him.

So she would keep all of her emotions―joy, excitement, sadness, pain―inside her when it came to him. She never told anyone how happy she was every time he would be assigned to sear near or beside her; never told anyone how her heart would feel like bursting out of her chest every time they had to hold hands every morning for morning prayers; never told anyone how sad―broken―she was every time he would tell her about this girl he so wanted to court.

She would smile at him at the right times, say the right comments and give him dating advices. And he would always tell her, "Thank you. You're the best," and would smile the smile she secretly loved.

And then she would smile back, bump her shoulders against his before saying, "Of course, I am."

* * *

"Good morning," she greeted him as he moved to sit on his chair beside hers.

He grunted as a reply, her eyes continued searching his face, faint blush spreading across her cheeks. She averted her gaze when he caught her looking at him.

Raising an elegant eyebrow, he asked her, "What? Something wrong with my face?"

She looked at him and softly laughed before shaking her head. "No, it's nothing."

But he just continued staring at her.

"Really. Honest."

"Whatever," he replied and leaned back against his seat comfortably, stretching his long legs in front of him.

Her eyes wandered on his form, heart racing against her chest, palms sweating around the ball-point pen she was holding. She called his name without even realizing it.

He frowned as he looked at her. "Seriously. What's the matter with you today? You seemed a little weirder than the usual."

She pouted at his choice of words. She then saw the sudden change in his eyes, like something was stirring in them as he stared at her. Or was it just her imagination?

"I―"

He raised an expectant eyebrow before crossing his arms across his chest. She could feel her heart beating painfully against her chest once again under his scrutinizing stare. The grip on the pen she was holding tightened even more.

She then smiled sheepishly at him. "I'm not finished with my math homework. May I copy yours?"

"That's it?" he asked.

She nodded.

He sighed and let out a breath. He then stood up, after getting a red notebook inside his bag before letting it sit on top of his desk.

He then turned to face her, a mischievous grin forming on his lips as he stuck his tongue at her.

She stared at his figure and then back to the notebook. It was there, on top of his desk.

She smiled when she realized he was letting her copy his homework. She then carefully took the notebook and turned to the page where his answers were legibly written.

A small note then suddenly fell out and she picked it up. She couldn't help but smile after reading it.

_I knew you'd ask for my homework. By the way, I've interchanged solutions two and three._

She then pouted at the last sentence scribbled on that piece of paper.

_You're so stupid, ugly._

* * *

She could still remember the day when she found that he already had a girlfriend. (Not that it was something new, he was good-looking after all and had his fair share of relationship every now and then.) It was just a surprise to her and it came as a shock to her more than anything. After all, it wasn't until yesterday that she was still giving him love advices and now...

She could still remember how he looked at her with that smile on his face, as he took his seat beside her. "Thank you," he then said. "Your advice worked. She's my girlfriend now."

She could remember how she forced to smile at him that day, gulping and keeping her tears to herself. "You're welcome."

She could still remember how his shoulder felt as he bumped his against hers. "You're the best. Did you know?"

She could still remember how she bumped her shoulders against his to return the action. "Of course I am."

She could still remember how much she cried that night, and how she scolded herself for giving him those advices. And she could still remember how she bitterly laughed at herself for being so pathetic.

* * *

She slowly distanced herself from him, ignoring him every time he wanted to talk and just briefly greeting him when they see each other in the corridor before classes began.

She tried to forget the feelings she held for him, the feelings she had for so long she couldn't even remember the first time she felt them. But then, he would approach her, talk to her, smile at her and all of her efforts would be all for nothing. The defenses she built around her heart quickly would easily come crashing down with just a word from him.

She tried and tried, many times after every other failure only to fail once again.

She was still in love with him.

* * *

She sighed when she realized that she was the only person left inside their classroom. The others who, like her, had to stay behind to clean the classroom were already gone.

She was busy organizing her books inside her bag when he entered the room, hands inside his pocket. He walked straight to the teacher's table and nonchalantly sat behind it, crossing his arms over his chest.

She could feel the fast beating of her heart against her chest. She was used to this feeling now, for every time she saw him, her body would react like this.

She then suddenly felt conscious of her appearance when she felt his stare at her. Putting her emotions in check, she composed herself and tried not to notice it. Her trembling hands quickly finished arranging her notebooks and her books and she quickly stood up with her bag on her back.

She stared back at him, wondering why he hadn't left yet but said no words when he said nothing and just continued staring at her.

She then murmured a goodbye and decided to leave. Her heart felt like it was about to burst when she heard him call her name, and quickly turned to face him.

"Hm?" she hummed as a reply.

He shook his head and stood up before dusting his pants. "Are you going now?"

She didn't trust her choices of words, so she nodded instead. She then looked at him as he walked past her, their arms accidentally brushing. She bit her lower lip and tried not to blush.

He turned to face her with a grin across his face once again. "Can I walk with you until we reach the gym?" he asked.

She nodded once again.

And so they walked together, silence enveloping the two of them. And she didn't like it. She wanted to say something. She _felt_ like she should say something.

She called his name and he looked at her, his eyebrows raised at her and a cute pout was on his lips. "What?"

She smiled a little and shook her head. "It's nothing."

He looked at her like he was sure it wasn't nothing. He looked at her like he wanted to say something. His mouth opened and he called her name, but his words were left hanging when the two of them heard a female voice calling his name affectionately.

And then, from nowhere, his girlfriend of the appeared, latching herself to his arm.

She decided to say goodbye to the pair. She walked fast, every step was quicker than the last. She needed to get away from them... from him.

Before he could even _hear_ her heart breaking.

* * *

She heard the two had broken up after two months of being in a relationship. She couldn't decide if she was happy or not. Seeing him always pissed off and annoyed and grumpy was not pleasant. She always wanted to see him smile and see him happy. Not like this. Never like this.

So she took a deep breath and took her seat beside him before bumping her shoulder against his. Ah, she missed this. She missed him.

But she almost flinched when he glared at her. His forehead was knotted in annoyance and he certainly wasn't happy to be disturbed. "What?"

She sighed. "I heard what happened."

She saw him snort. "Everyone did."

"You'll get over it."

"Oh, so now you're talking to me?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Hey, I'm worried about you, okay? Everyone is. Stop being a jerk already."

She felt his heart sank when he said, "Stop worrying about me. I don't need your pity."

She kept her pride intact as she held her head high before standing up from her seat.

"Fine," she said and started to walk away.

* * *

She would frown at him whenever he would try to approach her. She would ignore him whenever he would try to talk to her.

One day, she glared at him just like what he did two days before, when she bumped her shoulders against his.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"Are you mad at me?"

She mumbled incoherent words under her breath as she continued to bury her nose in her math homework.

"What?" she asked and glared over her shoulder at him when he poked her left cheek with his finger.

"I'm sorry, okay? I was just not in the mood the other day. I took it all out on you. I'm sorry."

She ignored him and focused on her homework instead. _Ugh_, she didn't really know how to solve this...

Moments later, she felt her pen leaving her fingers as his hand took it together with her notebook.

"Hey! I'm doing my homework here!"

"Knowing you, you won't finish it in time for class," he answered and she continued glaring at him as he scribbled numbers and equations on the still blank page.

After five minutes or so, he handed the notebook to her. "There. All done," he said, smiling at her, the dimple on his cheek showing. "It's my peace offering. Forgive me?"

She sighed as she looked at him. She could feel her heart beating against her chest once again, like she ran twenty laps around the school campus. She sighed once again, calming herself, before taking her stuff from him.

"Fine," she then grumbled, suppressing a smile. She then opened the notebook and looked at the answers he had written on it.

"So am I forgiven?" he asked, his face just inches away from her shoulders.

"Yes," she whispered without even looking at him.

She felt her heart flutter as he chuckled beside her.

"I miss talking to you like this, you know," she heard him say once again.

She let out a snort. "You were busy with your girlfriend for the last two months. Surely, you won't miss your old seatmate."

"Ex-girlfriend," she heard him correct her, his index fingers forming an 'x' inches away from her face. She then heard him grunt. "Besides, you were the one who was avoiding me."

"I wasn't avoiding you! I was... _busy_. Studying and stuff."

She heard him grunt once again. "You were avoiding me. You think I didn't notice?"

She just shook her head at him. "Think what you want to think. Anyway, I heard your ex-girlfriend cheated on you. Is that true?"

She saw him nod. Snorting at him, she said, "What did you see in her anyway?"

She continued staring at him as he stared back at her. She then saw something in his eyes, twinkling like a neon light as he smiled, his dimple deepening.

"Right," he then said, "What did I see in her anyway?"

She could feel her body systems going haywire inside of her once again like the other times when he was near her like this, her throat running dry and the warmth spreading across her cheeks.

She then continued staring at the solutions he wrote on her notebook and ignored his overwhelming presence beside her.

* * *

It was already December and Christmas was finally coming. Which meant that their Christmas vacation was near, too.

She sat on her seat, mind wandering about what she wanted to give as a gift to her friends. She then felt someone sit beside her, but continued to ignore it. She frowned when she felt something cold placed on her left wrist.

Her eyes widened when she saw him putting a very pretty charm bracelet on her wrist and quickly pulled her appendage away.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her heart racing once again.

"I'm just checking if this bracelet suits you."

_What._ Cue harsh breaths and even harder heartbeats.

"What? Why?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's my gift. I'll give this to the person whose name I picked."

"You picked me?"

He shook his head. "No, I was checking if it suits you. I was thinking about giving you one, too. Do you want something like this?" he asked.

She frowned and tried to stop the warmth spreading across her cheeks. "And why would you give me a bracelet?"

Once again, he shrugged his shoulders. "So, do you want one?"

"No," she answered too quickly and stood up, joining her best friends as they told jokes to each other.

She watched him at the corner of her eyes and she noticed the way his shoulders sagged as he looked at the piece of silver accessory on his hands.

* * *

Prom night.

While everyone was looking forward to this night, she was quietly dreading it, cursing it with all her inside her head. Well, you couldn't really blame her. She didn't enjoy this kind of thing. She would rather be inside her own room, lying on her bed and reading a book. Not sitting with her classmates around a table in the middle of the gym turned into a dance floor while wearing fancy gowns and high heels.

_Ugh_, her feet hurt. And the program hasn't even started yet.

Forty-five minutes later, the floor was finally opened for anyone to dance. Only a few people had the courage to find a partner and go to the dance floor first. She remained on her seat, as she watched almost all of her classmates go to the dance floor and have fun.

She wondered if who would be her fist dance for the night. She hadn't danced on parties like this one so yeah. A part of her wanted to get up and just ask someone to dance with her, but another one was telling her to just sit there on her seat for the rest of the night. Besides, who would actually agree to dance with her?

Shaking her head, she took her purse and took out a book which she luckily snuck in.

She quickly buried her nose into the book, eye squinting as she tried to read with the lights dimmed. She sighed. She forgot to bring her glasses.

_Poke._

She nudged whatever it was that was poking her arm.

_Poke. Poke._

She rolled her eyes and nudged it again, harder this time.

_Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke._

She harshly shut the book close and turned to face the person who kept on bothering her, only to find him looking at her with amusement in his eyes.

"Don't tell me you're going to spend the prom reading a book," he said. But thanks to the large, and rather loud, speaker placed a few meters far from where they were seated, she didn't catch a word he said.

"Huh?" she stupidly asked, now mentally thanking the dimmed lights because he wouldn't notice the blush creeping on her cheeks.

He then moved closer to her, mouth near her ears as he repeated what he had said earlier.

Her breath hitched and the blush on her cheeks deepened as she felt his warm breath against her skin. She tried to calm herself down and grinned at him.

"Are you asking me to dance?"

He sheepishly nodded and offered his hand to her.

She wiped the seat off her hands (_ugh_ such wrong timing for her hands to get sweaty) before putting her hand atop his. He then lead her to the dance floor, guided her hands to rest on his shoulders and put his hands on her waist.

She tried to remember how to properly breathe when he pulled her closer. She heard him call her name after a few moments. She looked up at his face, as he stared down at her.

"You still look ugly even with the makeup on, ugly."

She pouted. He chuckled at her childishness and continued swaying the two of them with the music.

They danced for three continuous songs before letting her sit. He didn't ask her for a dance for the rest of the night.

* * *

They had finally graduated. A few months from now, they would go to a new school and they would start another chapter of their lives and meet new people. She didn't think she was ready for that.

Her class had decided to go to an outing. It wasn't the first time they were doing this, but it was the first time that their class would be spending a night together.

They were all lying on the floor, thick comforters and blankets shielding their backs from the cold floor. It didn't matter who slept beside who because well, it just didn't matter. All of them in their class were close with each other and treated each and every one as a long lost sibling. Or _something_.

She was lying on her side, facing a female classmate who was trying not to fall asleep.

"Are you sleepy?" she asked, giggling.

"No," her friend answered, her eyelids fluttering close.

She giggled some more before she heard someone call her friend's name and asked her friend to move aside.

Her heartbeat had risen once again, as he lied beside her, his back facing her.

"I wanted to sleep beside you," he whispered to their classmate, loud enough for her to hear. "And hug you..."

Her heart broke a little when she saw his arms embracing her friend's sleeping form.

She then decided to shake the feeling off and turned the other way.

She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. It was strange, because no matter how tired and sleepy she was, she just couldn't sleep.

Sighing, she lied on her back and put an arm over her forehead. She almost screamed in shock when she heard him.

"Still awake?"

With a hand over her chest, she looked at him (he was now lying on his side facing her) and whispered, "You scared the hell out of me!"

He chuckled softly, his dimple showing and she felt her chest tightening under her hand. And it wasn't because she was scared out of her wits.

She calmed herself down and they were quiet for a while. Their classmates, who were sprawled around them, lying on different positions, were all asleep. They were the only ones awake.

Her breath hitched when he put his arms around her, his face resting against her neck and his breath tickling her flushed skin. They stayed like that for a while.

She then called his name and he grunted as a reply. "What are you doing?" she asked.

He nuzzled his nose against her neck. _Ugh_, he surely wasn't making this easier for her.

"Sleeping," was his only reply.

Her hand was on a tight fist, her body squirming beside his. "But I thought you wanted to sleep next to her," she said, motioning to her friend who was now snoring lightly beside him.

She felt him let out a sigh before releasing her.

"I―" he started, wanting to say something before deciding to just shake his head.

She then felt a hand ruffling the crown of her head afterwards.

"Good night," he then said, before facing the other way.

Confused, she stared at his back for a few seconds before gathering all of her courage and throwing her arms around his form. She could feel that he was surprised at her sudden action, but he didn't seem to mind her hugging him so close.

"Good night," she whispered softly, loud enough for him to hear.

* * *

Good night. Those were the words they last told each other the last time they were together.

A few months after, she moved to the city, went to a prestigious university and met new friends. If she knew that that night was the last time they'd see each other and act around each other that way, she would have told her how she felt for him. She would have confessed that she had been in love with him ever since they were in their second year in high school. She would have told him how much he meant to her, how much his small actions affected her whole being. But she didn't.

Five years later, after graduating from college and spending quite some time in medical school, she heard the news that he got someone pregnant. To say that she was shocked at the news was quite an understatement. Her old feelings for him resurfaced, her love for him awakening after years of being buried under school stress and depression. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to ask him if the rumors were true and wanted to make sure he was okay. But she simply couldn't do it.

After all, she wasn't in the right place to do so. She hadn't gotten herself a job, she was suffering from depression and there was nothing she could offer him. She was broken beyond repair, her dreams she once pictured in her mind shattering in front of her over and over again.

She knew they weren't meant to be and she understood that. She just hoped she had the chance to actually tell him she loved him until now.

_**-End**_


End file.
